i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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