this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
