Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
