How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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