I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
