I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
