why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
3pm strippers are depressing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
we should paint friendship bongs
The air taste purple.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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