you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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