if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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