Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
