When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
