I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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