Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
