that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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