3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
