Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
organizing the empties. That sober.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
