Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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