Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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