I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
