we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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