Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
