I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
