are you still at the devil's house?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
