Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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