I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
