i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
