I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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