omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I accidentally burped into my bong.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
false alarm, still single
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
