There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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