What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
