I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
well you can't waste a boner
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize