All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
