youre lurking in front of me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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