OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
