She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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