there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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