Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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