I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
