You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
