I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
