i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
