I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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