Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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