I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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