Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
