there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
