I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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