Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
