just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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