4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize