I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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