I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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