i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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