Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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