Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
