i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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