I want to make a zoo with you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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