When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
