There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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