I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
