if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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