its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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