Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
