I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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