I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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