if i can run in heels then i can drive
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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