Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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