i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
