Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish I only lived at night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
