good thing vaginas are great cup holders
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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