and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize