It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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