Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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