I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
