i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
