I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
