Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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